jelq

public

an http based roguelike rpg about jelqing

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Commit `0fdc47364c8c`

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atagen <boss@atagen.co>2026-10-11 04:52 UTC

8 files changed+152-22

game: the thread announces itself at turn ten and teaches meditation

The forum was invisible until floor 6 or a forum read, so a run could reach the clinic without ever learning that uli existed. The thread now rides the Link header from the branch turn, behind a Warning notice, and reading it rolls a coin for the meditate technique, a free once-per-floor drop of 10 EQ. The 403 for uli and the thread posts now carry a little of his lore.

Modified file: src/game/balance.rs+2

@@ -58,6 +58,8 @@ pub const PULLED_MUSCLE: u32 = 12;

5858 pub const PULLED_MUSCLE_INTENSITY: i32 = 9;

5959 pub const RING_PRIAPISM: u32 = 10;

6060 pub const SUPPLEMENT_WORKS: u32 = 5;

61+pub const MEDITATION_ODDS: u32 = 2;

62+pub const MEDITATION_EQ: i32 = 10;

6163 pub const OBSERVED: u32 = 6;

6264 pub const CAT_TAKES_TOWEL: u32 = 5;

6365 pub const FRIEND: u32 = 10;

Modified file: src/game/forum.rs+12 additions−6 deletions@@ -3,7 +3,7 @@ use serde_json::{Value, json};
 
 use super::{
     Cause, Elder, Floor, Outcome, Run, Story,
-    balance::{EXAGGERATION, PATIENCE},
+    balance::{EXAGGERATION, MEDITATION_ODDS, PATIENCE},
     body::exaggeration,
     honest, parse_credentials,
 };
@@ -27,6 +27,9 @@ pub fn forum_thread() -> Value {
         "posts": [
             { "author": "TheElder", "body": "Warm up. Always warm up. A cold jelq is a 412 waiting to happen." },
             { "author": "TheElder", "body": "Keep EQ between 50 and 70. Above 70 you are gambling. Above 90 you are a cautionary tale." },
+            { "author": "newbie_2009", "body": "everyone keeps saying uli. who is uli" },
+            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "uli was a member here. He posted the technique in 2001 and never posted again. Some say he ascended. The search function says his account is gone." },
+            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "We do not say his name in vain. We say it in girth." },
             { "author": "newbie_2009", "body": "I have been sending PUT for three weeks and nothing has changed." },
             { "author": "TheElder", "body": "PUT is idempotent. Read the spec." },
             { "author": "TheElder", "body": "Members verify with a Ruler. Proxy-Authorization, inches, no rounding up. We can tell." },
@@ -78,11 +81,14 @@ impl Run {
         let (story, location, detail) = match choice {
             "forum" => {
                 self.shame += 3;
-                (
-                    Story::ReadForum,
-                    self.path("/techniques"),
-                    "The thread is from 2009. A technique called uli is discussed at length.",
-                )
+                let taught = self.chance(MEDITATION_ODDS);
+                self.meditation_taught |= taught;
+                let detail = if taught {
+                    "The thread is from 2009. A technique called uli is discussed at length. Among the replies, a post teaches a way of breathing that lowers EQ."
+                } else {
+                    "The thread is from 2009. A technique called uli is discussed at length."
+                };
+                (Story::ReadForum, self.path("/techniques"), detail)
             }
             "close-tab" => {
                 self.suspicion = 0;

Modified file: src/game/mod.rs+2 additions@@ -63,6 +63,7 @@ pub struct Run {
     pub warmed_up: bool,
     pub put_applied: bool,
     pub story: Story,
+    pub meditation_taught: bool,
     pub mum: Option<MumVisit>,
     pub heard: Vec<String>,
     pub elder: Elder,
@@ -148,6 +149,7 @@ impl Run {
             warmed_up: false,
             put_applied: false,
             story: Story::Unopened,
+            meditation_taught: false,
             mum: None,
             heard: Vec::new(),
             notices: Vec::new(),

Modified file: src/game/state.rs+1

@@ -138,6 +138,7 @@ pub struct FloorState {

138138 pub towel_stolen: bool,

139139 pub brother_told: bool,

140140 pub shopping: bool,

141+ pub meditated: bool,

141142 pub wifi_accepted: bool,

142143 }

143144

Modified file: src/game/techniques.rs+5 additions−1 deletions@@ -77,6 +77,7 @@ pub enum Utility {
     Edge,
     Pump,
     Supplement,
+    Meditate,
 }
 
 #[derive(Clone, Copy, PartialEq, Eq, Debug)]
@@ -168,6 +169,7 @@ impl Utility {
             Self::Edge => "edge",
             Self::Pump => "pump",
             Self::Supplement => "supplement",
+            Self::Meditate => "meditate",
         }
     }
 
@@ -178,17 +180,19 @@ impl Utility {
             Self::Edge => "EQ +15 and a little girth. Three in a row is a loop.",
             Self::Pump => "Large gains, all temporary. Requires a pump.",
             Self::Supplement => "Consumes a supplement.",
+            Self::Meditate => "EQ -10. Taught by the forum. Once per floor, no stamina.",
         }
     }
 }
 
 impl Technique {
-    pub const ALL: [Self; 9] = [
+    pub const ALL: [Self; 10] = [
         Self::Utility(Utility::Warmup),
         Self::Utility(Utility::Ice),
         Self::Utility(Utility::Edge),
         Self::Utility(Utility::Pump),
         Self::Utility(Utility::Supplement),
+        Self::Utility(Utility::Meditate),
         Self::Training(Training::Wet),
         Self::Training(Training::Dry),
         Self::Training(Training::Stretch),

Modified file: src/game/turn.rs+44 additions−5 deletions@@ -8,9 +8,9 @@ use super::{
     Floor, Grip, LUBRICANTS, Lube, Outcome, Payload, Run, Story, Technique,
     balance::{
         BAND_BONUS, BRANCH_TURN, CAT_TAKES_TOWEL, CHANGING_ROOM_CHILL, DANGER_EQ, EQ_BAND,
-        EQ_WOBBLE, EXTENDER_GAIN, HOT_EQ, OBSERVED, PRIAPISM_EQ, PRIAPISM_TURNS, PULLED_MUSCLE,
-        PULLED_MUSCLE_INTENSITY, RING_PRIAPISM, RING_RUPTURE_LINE, RUPTURE_LINE, STORAGE_GIRTH,
-        SUSPICION_LIMIT,
+        EQ_WOBBLE, EXTENDER_GAIN, HOT_EQ, MEDITATION_EQ, OBSERVED, PRIAPISM_EQ, PRIAPISM_TURNS,
+        PULLED_MUSCLE, PULLED_MUSCLE_INTENSITY, RING_PRIAPISM, RING_RUPTURE_LINE, RUPTURE_LINE,
+        STORAGE_GIRTH, SUSPICION_LIMIT,
     },
     not_extended, round3,
     state::{MumVisit, Observer, Pending},
@@ -44,6 +44,7 @@ impl Run {
                 "The cage is locked. The key is not in the box.",
             ));
         }
+        self.here.shopping = false;
         match *techniques {
             [Technique::Utility(utility)] => self.utility(utility, lube, now),
             [Technique::Training(training)] => self.single(training, intensity, lube, now),
@@ -73,6 +74,7 @@ impl Run {
             Utility::Warmup => return self.warm_up(),
             Utility::Ice => return self.ice(),
             Utility::Supplement => return self.supplement(),
+            Utility::Meditate => return self.meditate(),
             Utility::Edge | Utility::Pump => {}
         }
         if utility == Utility::Pump {
@@ -189,9 +191,20 @@ impl Run {
             return Err(Problem::new(
                 StatusCode::FORBIDDEN,
                 "technique-locked",
-                "This technique is discussed on the forum. You have not been to the forum.",
+                "uli is discussed on the forum, in a thread from 2009, by a man who never posted again. You have not been to the forum.",
             ));
         }
+        if technique == Technique::Utility(Utility::Meditate) {
+            return if self.meditation_taught {
+                Ok(())
+            } else {
+                Err(Problem::new(
+                    StatusCode::FORBIDDEN,
+                    "technique-locked",
+                    "The breathing technique is described in one of the forum's replies. You have not found it.",
+                ))
+            };
+        }
         if !self.warmed_up {
             return Err(Problem::new(
                 StatusCode::PRECONDITION_FAILED,
@@ -251,6 +264,9 @@ impl Run {
                 Technique::Utility(Utility::Warmup) => true,
                 Technique::Utility(Utility::Ice) => self.items.ice_packs > 0,
                 Technique::Utility(Utility::Supplement) => self.items.supplements > 0,
+                Technique::Utility(Utility::Meditate) => {
+                    self.meditation_taught && !self.here.meditated
+                }
                 _ => self.access(technique).is_ok() && self.check_storage().is_ok(),
             })
             .collect()
@@ -307,7 +323,6 @@ impl Run {
         self.touch();
         self.turn += 1;
         self.here.turns += 1;
-        self.here.shopping = false;
         self.realise();
         if self.items.extender {
             self.length += EXTENDER_GAIN;
@@ -362,9 +377,33 @@ impl Run {
         }
         if self.turn == BRANCH_TURN && self.story == Story::Unopened {
             self.story = Story::Pending;
+            self.notices
+                .push("Somewhere, a forum thread from 2009 still has replies.");
         }
     }
 
+    /// The breathing technique from the forum's replies. It spends no stamina and the turn is
+    /// not the floor's, but each floor allows it once.
+    fn meditate(&mut self) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
+        self.access(Technique::Utility(Utility::Meditate))?;
+        if self.here.meditated {
+            return Err(Problem::new(
+                StatusCode::CONFLICT,
+                "already-meditated",
+                "This floor has had its meditation.",
+            ));
+        }
+        self.here.meditated = true;
+        self.eq = (self.eq - MEDITATION_EQ).clamp(0, 100);
+        self.touch();
+        Ok(Outcome::json(
+            StatusCode::OK,
+            json!({
+                "detail": "In through the nose, out through the mouth. EQ falls by ten.",
+            }),
+        ))
+    }
+
     pub(super) fn maybe_summon_mum(&mut self, was_below: bool) {
         if !self.floor.has_mum() || self.mum.is_some() {
             return;

Modified file: src/http/run.rs+13 additions−9 deletions@@ -11,7 +11,10 @@ use tokio::io::AsyncWriteExt;
 
 use super::{AppState, ctx::Ctx, meta, middleware::Compress, resource::Resource, runs};
 use crate::{
-    game::{Elder, FORUM_THREAD, Floor, Run, SHOP, Story, balance::SUSPICION_LIMIT},
+    game::{
+        Elder, FORUM_THREAD, Floor, Run, SHOP, Story,
+        balance::{BRANCH_TURN, SUSPICION_LIMIT},
+    },
     headers::{
         X_CASH, X_EQ, X_FLOOR, X_FORESKIN, X_GIRTH, X_LENGTH, X_OBSERVED_BY,
         X_SELF_REPORTED_LENGTH, X_SHAME, X_STAMINA, X_SUSPICION,
@@ -129,14 +132,15 @@ fn links(run: &Run, now: Instant) -> String {
             let allow = target.resource.allow(run);
             format!("<{path}>; rel=\"{REL_BASE}{name}\"; allow=\"{allow}\"")
         })
-        .chain(
-            (run.forum_read() || run.floor.number() >= Floor::Forum.number()).then(|| {
-                format!(
-                    "<{FORUM_THREAD}>; rel=\"{REL_BASE}thread\"; allow=\"{}\"",
-                    meta::THREAD.allow_any()
-                )
-            }),
-        )
+        .chain((run.turn >= BRANCH_TURN
+            || run.forum_read()
+            || run.floor.number() >= Floor::Forum.number())
+        .then(|| {
+            format!(
+                "<{FORUM_THREAD}>; rel=\"{REL_BASE}thread\"; allow=\"{}\"",
+                meta::THREAD.allow_any()
+            )
+        }),)
         .chain((run.story == Story::Pending).then(|| {
             let choice = |slug: &str, title: &str| {
                 format!(

Modified file: src/tests.rs+73 additions−1 deletions@@ -11,7 +11,7 @@ use tower::ServiceExt;
 
 use crate::{
     AppState, Config,
-    game::{Floor, MumVisit, Run, Story, balance::SUSPICION_LIMIT},
+    game::{Floor, MumVisit, Run, Story, balance::BRANCH_TURN, balance::SUSPICION_LIMIT},
     router,
 };
 
@@ -946,3 +946,75 @@ async fn shopping_survives_browsing_but_not_jelqing() {
     let after = send(&app, "GET", "/runs/cafebabe", &[], "").await;
     assert!(!header(&after, "link").contains("shop-item"));
 }
+
+#[tokio::test]
+async fn the_thread_announces_itself_at_the_branch() {
+    let app = seeded_with(Floor::Bathroom, |run| {
+        run.turn = 8;
+        run.warmed_up = true;
+    });
+    send(
+        &app,
+        "JELQ",
+        "/runs/cafebabe?technique=wet",
+        &[("content-type", "application/baby-oil")],
+        "",
+    )
+    .await;
+    let ninth = send(&app, "GET", "/runs/cafebabe", &[], "").await;
+    assert!(!header(&ninth, "link").contains("/forum/threads/2009"));
+    let tenth = send(
+        &app,
+        "JELQ",
+        "/runs/cafebabe?technique=wet",
+        &[("content-type", "application/baby-oil")],
+        "",
+    )
+    .await;
+    assert!(
+        tenth
+            .headers()
+            .get_all("warning")
+            .iter()
+            .any(|w| w.to_str().unwrap().contains("a forum thread from 2009"))
+    );
+    assert!(header(&tenth, "link").contains("/forum/threads/2009"));
+    let announced = send(&app, "GET", "/runs/cafebabe", &[], "").await;
+    assert!(header(&announced, "link").contains("/forum/threads/2009"));
+}
+
+#[tokio::test]
+async fn reading_the_forum_may_teach_meditation() {
+    let taught = (0..50u64)
+        .filter(|seed| {
+            let mut run = Run::new("cafebabe".into(), "cafe".into(), *seed);
+            run.story = Story::Pending;
+            run.turn = BRANCH_TURN;
+            run.choose("forum").is_ok() && run.meditation_taught
+        })
+        .count();
+    assert!(
+        taught > 0 && taught < 50,
+        "the teach roll should be a coin, it landed {taught}/50"
+    );
+}
+
+#[tokio::test]
+async fn meditation_is_free_but_only_once_per_floor() {
+    let app = seeded_with(Floor::Bedroom, |run| run.meditation_taught = true);
+    let response = send(&app, "JELQ", "/runs/cafebabe?technique=meditate", &[], "").await;
+    assert_eq!(response.status(), StatusCode::OK);
+    assert_eq!(header(&response, "x-eq"), "10");
+    assert_eq!(header(&response, "x-stamina"), "10/10");
+    let again = send(&app, "JELQ", "/runs/cafebabe?technique=meditate", &[], "").await;
+    assert_eq!(again.status(), StatusCode::CONFLICT);
+}
+
+#[tokio::test]
+async fn meditation_stays_hidden_until_the_forum_teaches_it() {
+    let app = seeded_with(Floor::Bedroom, |_| {});
+    let view = send(&app, "GET", "/runs/cafebabe", &[], "").await;
+    assert!(!header(&view, "link").contains("technique=meditate"));
+    let jelq = send(&app, "JELQ", "/runs/cafebabe?technique=meditate", &[], "").await;
+    assert_eq!(jelq.status(), StatusCode::FORBIDDEN);
+}

jelq

Commit 0fdc47364c8c

Commit `0fdc47364c8c`