jelq

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an http based roguelike rpg about jelqing

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Commit `880b29a0c11e`

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atagen <boss@atagen.co>2026-10-13 09:33 UTC

15 files changed+158-44

game: make the forum teach breathing and leave the drawer to chance

Meditation was a starting technique since b85a0d45, which left the forum branch nothing to teach before uli and made every run's cheapest EQ dump free from turn one. It is now learned at 1 in 2 on the forum choice and each live re-read, ahead of uli. Every run used to start with baby oil and lotion, now half start with a single bottle of either.

Modified file: src/game/balance/economy.rs+2

@@ -1,5 +1,7 @@

11 pub const STARTING_CASH: u32 = 20;

22 pub const STARTING_ICE_PACKS: u32 = 1;

3+pub const STARTING_LUBE: u32 = 2;

4+pub const STARTING_BABY_OIL: u32 = 2;

35 pub const FLOOR_ALLOWANCE: u32 = 10;

46 pub const THIN_MARKUP: u32 = 3;

57 /// The footage gains this many views a second, starting from one.

Modified file: src/game/balance/floors.rs+2 additions−1 deletions@@ -4,8 +4,9 @@ pub const ZIP: u32 = 200;
 pub const RULER_IN_DRAWER: u32 = 2;
 pub const KEY_IN_DRAWER: u32 = 3;
 pub const GREGS_LOCKER: u32 = 20;
+pub const MEDITATION_ODDS: u32 = 2;
 pub const ULI_ODDS: u32 = 4;
-pub const ULI_READS: u8 = 2;
+pub const THREAD_READS: u8 = 2;
 pub const DRAWER_JAMS: u32 = 4;
 pub const OBSERVED: u32 = 6;
 pub const CAT_TAKES_TOWEL: u32 = 5;

Modified file: src/game/checks.rs+3 additions−1 deletions@@ -107,7 +107,9 @@ impl Run {
                 }
                 Technique::Utility(Utility::Ice) => self.items.stores.ice_packs > 0,
                 Technique::Utility(Utility::Supplement) => self.items.stores.supplements > 0,
-                Technique::Utility(Utility::Meditate) => !self.here.meditated,
+                Technique::Utility(Utility::Meditate) => {
+                    self.online.meditation_taught && !self.here.meditated
+                }
                 Technique::Utility(Utility::Energy) => self.items.stores.energy_drinks > 0,
                 _ => self.access(technique).is_ok() && self.check_storage().is_ok(),
             })

Modified file: src/game/forum.rs+39 additions−17 deletions@@ -5,7 +5,7 @@ use serde_json::{Value, json};
 
 use super::{
     Cause, Floor, Outcome, Run,
-    balance::{EXAGGERATION, PATIENCE, ULI_ODDS, ULI_READS},
+    balance::{EXAGGERATION, MEDITATION_ODDS, PATIENCE, THREAD_READS, ULI_ODDS},
     credentials::{Scheme, parse_credentials},
     measure::{exaggeration, honest},
 };
@@ -105,6 +105,7 @@ pub enum Elder {
 /// The run's life online, from the tab on turn 10 to the footage the neighbour took.
 pub struct Online {
     pub(crate) story: Story,
+    pub(crate) meditation_taught: bool,
     pub(crate) uli_taught: bool,
     pub(crate) elder: Elder,
     pub(crate) filmed_at: Option<SystemTime>,
@@ -114,6 +115,7 @@ impl Default for Online {
     fn default() -> Self {
         Self {
             story: Story::Unopened,
+            meditation_taught: false,
             uli_taught: false,
             elder: Elder::Unverified { strikes: 0 },
             filmed_at: None,
@@ -154,8 +156,11 @@ impl Run {
         let (story, location, detail) = match choice {
             Branch::Forum => {
                 self.standing.shame += 3;
-                let detail =
-                    "The thread is from 2009. A technique called uli is discussed at length.";
+                let detail = if self.learn_meditation() {
+                    "The thread is from 2009. A technique called uli is discussed at length. Further down, someone explains how to breathe, and you write it down."
+                } else {
+                    "The thread is from 2009. A technique called uli is discussed at length."
+                };
                 (Story::ReadForum, self.path("/techniques"), detail)
             }
             Branch::CloseTab => {
@@ -192,7 +197,7 @@ impl Run {
         if self.online.uli_taught {
             return Ok(Outcome::json(StatusCode::OK, forum_thread()));
         }
-        if self.here.thread_rolls >= ULI_READS {
+        if self.here.thread_rolls >= THREAD_READS {
             let age = SystemTime::now()
                 .duration_since(*ELDER_POSTED)
                 .map_or(0, |age| age.as_secs());
@@ -202,21 +207,38 @@ impl Run {
         }
         self.here.thread_rolls += 1;
         self.touch();
-        if self.chance(
+        let detail = if !self.online.meditation_taught {
+            if !self.learn_meditation() {
+                return Ok(nothing_new());
+            }
+            "Between two arguments about pumps, a reply explains how to breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth. You write it down."
+        } else {
+            if !self.chance(
+                self.decision(
+                    "teach-uli",
+                    "Does this reread finally surface the 2009 reply that teaches uli?",
+                ),
+                ULI_ODDS,
+            ) {
+                return Ok(nothing_new());
+            }
+            self.online.uli_taught = true;
+            "Past the necroposting, a reply from TheElder lays out the technique. Uli. The full routine. You write it down before the tab can lose it."
+        };
+        Ok(Outcome::json(StatusCode::OK, json!({ "detail": detail }))
+            .header(header::LOCATION, self.path("/techniques")))
+    }
+
+    fn learn_meditation(&mut self) -> bool {
+        let taught = self.chance(
             self.decision(
-                "teach-uli",
-                "Does this reread finally surface the 2009 reply that teaches uli?",
+                "teach-meditation",
+                "Does the thread surface the reply that teaches the breathing technique?",
             ),
-            ULI_ODDS,
-        ) {
-            self.online.uli_taught = true;
-            return Ok(Outcome::json(
-                StatusCode::OK,
-                json!({ "detail": "Past the necroposting, a reply from TheElder lays out the technique. Uli. The full routine. You write it down before the tab can lose it." }),
-            )
-            .header(header::LOCATION, self.path("/techniques")));
-        }
-        Ok(nothing_new())
+            MEDITATION_ODDS,
+        );
+        self.online.meditation_taught |= taught;
+        taught
     }
 
     fn elder_strike(&mut self, problem: Problem) -> Problem {

Modified file: src/game/gauges.rs+8 additions−3 deletions@@ -3,8 +3,9 @@ use std::time::Instant;
 use serde_json::{Value, json};
 
 use super::{
-    Elder, Excuse, Floor, Grip, Item, Observer, Run, Story,
+    Elder, Excuse, Floor, Grip, Item, Observer, Run, Story, Technique,
     balance::{DANGER_EQ, KITCHEN_TELLINGS},
+    techniques::{Training, Utility},
 };
 
 pub enum Shown {
@@ -143,8 +144,12 @@ impl Run {
         self.body.grip
     }
 
-    pub fn knows_uli(&self) -> bool {
-        self.online.uli_taught
+    pub fn knows(&self, technique: Technique) -> bool {
+        match technique {
+            Technique::Training(Training::Uli) => self.online.uli_taught,
+            Technique::Utility(Utility::Meditate) => self.online.meditation_taught,
+            _ => true,
+        }
     }
 
     pub fn holds(&self, item: Item) -> bool {

Modified file: src/game/inventory.rs+1 additions−11 deletions@@ -38,6 +38,7 @@ impl Default for Stores {
     }
 }
 
+#[derive(Default)]
 pub struct LubeStock {
     pub(crate) baby_oil: u32,
     pub(crate) coconut_oil: u32,
@@ -45,17 +46,6 @@ pub struct LubeStock {
     pub(crate) vaseline: u32,
 }
 
-impl Default for LubeStock {
-    fn default() -> Self {
-        Self {
-            baby_oil: 1,
-            coconut_oil: 0,
-            lotion: 1,
-            vaseline: 0,
-        }
-    }
-}
-
 impl LubeStock {
     /// Spit is the only lubricant that never runs out, so it has no count.
     fn bottle(&mut self, lube: Lube) -> Option<&mut u32> {

Modified file: src/game/rest.rs+7 additions@@ -65,6 +65,13 @@ impl Run {
     /// The breathing technique from the forum's replies. It spends no stamina and the turn is
     /// not the floor's, but each floor allows it once.
     pub(super) fn meditate(&mut self) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
+        if !self.online.meditation_taught {
+            return Err(Problem::new(
+                StatusCode::FORBIDDEN,
+                "technique-locked",
+                "Somebody on a forum knows how to breathe. You have not found the reply.",
+            ));
+        }
         if self.here.meditated {
             return Err(Problem::new(
                 StatusCode::CONFLICT,

Modified file: src/game/run.rs+26 additions−4 deletions@@ -7,10 +7,11 @@ use axum::http::StatusCode;
 use serde_json::{Value, json};
 
 use super::{
-    Body, Cause, Clinic, Ending, Floor, FloorState, Household, Items, Notice, Observer, Online,
-    RunStatus, Standing, Story,
+    Body, Cause, Clinic, Ending, Floor, FloorState, Household, Item, Items, Notice, Observer,
+    Online, RunStatus, Standing, Story,
     balance::{
-        BRANCH_TURN, MAX_STAMINA, PRIAPISM_EQ, PULLED_STAMINA, SELF_REPORT_INFLATION, STARTING_EQ,
+        BRANCH_TURN, MAX_STAMINA, PRIAPISM_EQ, PULLED_STAMINA, SELF_REPORT_INFLATION,
+        STARTING_BABY_OIL, STARTING_EQ, STARTING_LUBE,
     },
     measure::round2,
     oracle::{Oracle, OracleTemplate, Roll},
@@ -73,6 +74,27 @@ impl Run {
             0.4,
             2.4,
         ));
+        let mut items = Items::default();
+        if oracle.chance(
+            Run::unborn(
+                "starting-lube",
+                "Is there a bottle of lube in the drawer already?",
+            ),
+            STARTING_LUBE,
+        ) {
+            let baby_oil = oracle.chance(
+                Run::unborn(
+                    "starting-bottle",
+                    "Is the bottle baby oil, rather than lotion?",
+                ),
+                STARTING_BABY_OIL,
+            );
+            items.grant(if baby_oil {
+                Item::BabyOil
+            } else {
+                Item::Lotion
+            });
+        }
         let etag_salt = oracle.u64();
         Self {
             ident: Identity {
@@ -87,7 +109,7 @@ impl Run {
             standing: Standing::default(),
             household: Household::default(),
             online: Online::default(),
-            items: Items::default(),
+            items,
             clinic: Clinic::default(),
             turn: 0,
             floor: Floor::Bedroom,

Modified file: src/game/techniques.rs+7 additions−3 deletions@@ -146,10 +146,14 @@ impl Technique {
         }
     }
 
-    pub fn describe(self, uli_taught: bool) -> Value {
+    pub fn describe(self, known: bool) -> Value {
         let training = match self {
             Self::Utility(utility) => {
-                return json!({ "name": utility.name(), "effect": utility.effect() });
+                return json!({
+                    "name": utility.name(),
+                    "effect": utility.effect(),
+                    "locked": !known,
+                });
             }
             Self::Training(training) => training,
         };
@@ -160,7 +164,7 @@ impl Technique {
             "dc": profile.dc,
             "lubricant": lubricant,
             "foreskin": profile.foreskin.map(|(min, max)| json!({ "min": min, "max": max })),
-            "locked": training == Training::Uli && !uli_taught,
+            "locked": !known,
         })
     }
 }

Modified file: src/http/runs.rs+1−1

@@ -177,7 +177,7 @@ fn delete_foreskin(run: &mut Run, ctx: &Ctx) -> Response {

177177 fn get_techniques(run: &mut Run, _: &Ctx) -> Response {

178178 let listed: Vec<Value> = Technique::ALL

179179 .into_iter()

180- .map(|t| t.describe(run.knows_uli()))

180+ .map(|t| t.describe(run.knows(t)))

181181 .collect();

182182 Json(json!({

183183 "usage": format!("JELQ {}?technique=<name>[,<name>]&intensity=<1-10>", run.path("")),

Modified file: src/tests/body.rs+17 additions@@ -102,6 +102,7 @@ async fn the_displayed_length_is_accepted_as_honest() {
 async fn dry_jelqs_build_friction_and_real_lube_does_not() {
     let app = seeded_with(Floor::Bedroom, |run| {
         run.body.warmed_up = true;
+        run.items.lubes.baby_oil = 1;
         run.body.foreskin = Some(0.9);
     });
     let dry = send(&app, "JELQ", "/runs/cafebabe?technique=dry", &[], "").await;
@@ -163,6 +164,7 @@ async fn holding_and_meditating_shed_friction() {
 
     let taught = seeded_with(Floor::Bedroom, |run| {
         run.body.friction = 5;
+        run.online.meditation_taught = true;
     });
     let calmed = send(
         &taught,
@@ -398,3 +400,18 @@ async fn a_combo_chafes_twice_and_costs_two_stamina() {
     assert_eq!(header(&combo, "x-friction"), "2/10");
     assert_eq!(header(&combo, "x-stamina"), "8/10");
 }
+
+#[test]
+fn the_drawer_starts_with_at_most_one_bottle() {
+    let mut stocked = 0;
+    for seed in 0..400u64 {
+        let lubes = &Run::new("cafebabe".into(), "cafe".into(), seed).items.lubes;
+        let bottles = lubes.baby_oil + lubes.lotion;
+        assert!(bottles <= 1 && lubes.coconut_oil + lubes.vaseline == 0);
+        stocked += bottles;
+    }
+    assert!(
+        (160..=240).contains(&stocked),
+        "{stocked}/400 started with lube"
+    );
+}

Modified file: src/tests/floors.rs+41 additions@@ -198,6 +198,7 @@ async fn rereading_the_thread_teaches_uli() {
             run.turn = BRANCH_TURN;
             run.body.warmed_up = true;
             run.online.story = Story::ClosedTab;
+            run.online.meditation_taught = true;
         });
         let mut taught = false;
         for _ in 0..2 {
@@ -454,3 +455,43 @@ async fn the_foreskin_window_has_hard_edges() {
         }
     }
 }
+
+#[tokio::test]
+async fn the_forum_teaches_breathing_before_uli() {
+    let mut breathing = 0;
+    for seed in 0..100u64 {
+        let app = app_with(Floor::Bedroom, seed, |run| {
+            run.turn = BRANCH_TURN;
+            run.body.warmed_up = true;
+            run.online.story = Story::Pending;
+        });
+        let listed = json(send(&app, "GET", "/runs/cafebabe/techniques", &[], "").await).await;
+        let meditate = listed["techniques"]
+            .as_array()
+            .unwrap()
+            .iter()
+            .find(|t| t["name"] == "meditate")
+            .unwrap();
+        assert_eq!(meditate["locked"], true);
+        send(&app, "POST", "/runs/cafebabe/branches/forum", &[], "").await;
+        for _ in 0..2 {
+            send(&app, "POST", "/runs/cafebabe/re-read", &[], "").await;
+        }
+        let meditated = send(&app, "JELQ", "/runs/cafebabe?technique=meditate", &[], "").await;
+        if meditated.status() == StatusCode::OK {
+            breathing += 1;
+        } else {
+            assert_eq!(meditated.status(), StatusCode::FORBIDDEN);
+            let uli = send(&app, "JELQ", "/runs/cafebabe?technique=uli", &[], "").await;
+            assert_eq!(
+                uli.status(),
+                StatusCode::FORBIDDEN,
+                "seed {seed} skipped ahead"
+            );
+        }
+    }
+    assert!(
+        (75..=97).contains(&breathing),
+        "{breathing}/100 learned to breathe on the branch floor"
+    );
+}

Modified file: src/tests/methods.rs+1−1

@@ -119,7 +119,7 @@ async fn http_1_0_gets_the_pdf_treatment() {

119119 async fn links_offer_only_usable_techniques() {

120120 let app = seeded_with(Floor::Bedroom, |run| run.body.foreskin = Some(1.0));

121121 let cold = send(&app, "GET", "/runs/cafebabe", &[], "").await;

122- assert_eq!(advertised(&cold), ["warmup", "ice", "meditate"]);

122+ assert_eq!(advertised(&cold), ["warmup", "ice"]);

123123 let warm = send(&app, "JELQ", "/runs/cafebabe?technique=warmup", &[], "").await;

124124 let usable = advertised(&warm);

125125 assert!(usable.contains(&"wet".to_owned()) && usable.contains(&"dry".to_owned()));

Modified file: src/tests/mod.rs+1−1

@@ -26,7 +26,7 @@ pub use crate::{

2626 router,

2727 };

2828

29-pub const SEED: u64 = 69;

29+pub const SEED: u64 = 420;

3030

3131 pub async fn send(

3232 app: &Router,

Modified file: src/tests/turns.rs+2 additions−1 deletions@@ -2,7 +2,7 @@ use super::*;
 
 #[tokio::test]
 async fn meditation_is_free_but_only_once_per_floor() {
-    let app = seeded_with(Floor::Bedroom, |_| {});
+    let app = seeded_with(Floor::Bedroom, |run| run.online.meditation_taught = true);
     let response = send(&app, "JELQ", "/runs/cafebabe?technique=meditate", &[], "").await;
     assert_eq!(response.status(), StatusCode::OK);
     assert_eq!(header(&response, "x-eq"), "10");
@@ -16,6 +16,7 @@ async fn meditation_respects_the_priapism_floor() {
     let app = seeded_with(Floor::Bedroom, |run| {
         run.body.eq = 80;
         run.body.conditions.priapism_turns = 3;
+        run.online.meditation_taught = true;
     });
     let calmed = send(&app, "JELQ", "/runs/cafebabe?technique=meditate", &[], "").await;
     assert_eq!(calmed.status(), StatusCode::OK);

jelq

Commit 880b29a0c11e

Commit `880b29a0c11e`