jelq

public

an http based roguelike rpg about jelqing

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use axum::http::{StatusCode, header};
use serde_json::{Value, json};

use super::{
    Cause, Elder, Floor, Outcome, Run, Story,
    balance::{EXAGGERATION, PATIENCE, SUSPICION_LIMIT, ULI_ODDS},
    body::exaggeration,
    honest, parse_credentials,
};
use crate::{headers::X_FORUM_NOTE, problem::Problem};

pub const FORUM_THREAD: &str = "/forum/threads/2009";
pub const ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED: &str = "Sun, 14 Jun 2009 03:12:00 GMT";

const SPREADSHEET: &str = "\
date,length,girth,technique,notes,honest?
2007-01-03,7.50,5.50,wet,baseline,no
2007-06-11,7.50,5.50,wet,feeling fuller,no
2008-01-02,7.50,5.50,dry,new routine,no
2008-09-19,7.50,5.50,uli,PUT is idempotent. do not use PUT.,no
2009-06-14,7.50,5.50,wet,progress is slow but real,no
";

pub fn forum_thread() -> Value {
    json!({
        "title": "The definitive jelqing FAQ (updated 2009)",
        "posts": [
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "Warm up. Always warm up. A cold jelq is a 412 waiting to happen." },
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "Keep EQ between 50 and 70. Above 70 you are gambling. Above 90 you are a cautionary tale." },
            { "author": "newbie_2009", "body": "everyone keeps saying uli. who is uli" },
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "uli was a member here. He posted the technique in 2001 and never posted again. Some say he ascended. The search function says his account is gone." },
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "We do not say his name in vain. We say it in girth." },
            { "author": "newbie_2009", "body": "I have been sending PUT for three weeks and nothing has changed." },
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "PUT is idempotent. Read the spec." },
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "Members verify with a Ruler. Proxy-Authorization, inches, no rounding up. We can tell." },
            { "author": "throwaway_77", "body": "my doctor said i was normal. i didnt believe him. i still dont know what he meant by bearer" },
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "My numbers are in my spreadsheet. They have not changed since 2009. Nothing about me has changed since 2009." },
        ],
    })
}

fn verification(detail: &str) -> Problem {
    Problem::new(
        StatusCode::PROXY_AUTHENTICATION_REQUIRED,
        "verification-required",
        detail,
    )
    .header(header::PROXY_AUTHENTICATE, "Ruler realm=\"forum\"")
}

impl Run {
    pub(super) fn branch_offer(&self) -> Outcome {
        let forum = self.path("/branches/forum");
        let close = self.path("/branches/close-tab");
        Outcome::json(
            StatusCode::MULTIPLE_CHOICES,
            json!({
                "detail": "A browser tab is open. It has been open for some time.",
                "choices": [
                    { "href": forum, "method": "POST", "title": "Read the forum" },
                    { "href": close, "method": "POST", "title": "Close the tab" },
                ],
            }),
        )
        .header(
            header::LINK,
            format!(
                "<{forum}>; rel=\"alternate\"; title=\"Read the forum\"; allow=\"POST\", <{close}>; rel=\"alternate\"; title=\"Close the tab\"; allow=\"POST\""
            ),
        )
    }

    pub fn choose(&mut self, choice: &str) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
        if self.story != Story::Pending {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::CONFLICT,
                "no-decision-pending",
                "There is no decision pending.",
            ));
        }
        let (story, location, detail) = match choice {
            "forum" => {
                self.shame += 3;
                let detail =
                    "The thread is from 2009. A technique called uli is discussed at length.";
                (Story::ReadForum, self.path("/techniques"), detail)
            }
            "close-tab" => {
                self.suspicion = 0;
                (
                    Story::ClosedTab,
                    self.path(""),
                    "The tab is closed. Nobody saw it.",
                )
            }
            _ => {
                return Err(Problem::new(
                    StatusCode::NOT_FOUND,
                    "no-such-choice",
                    "That was not one of the choices.",
                ));
            }
        };
        self.story = story;
        self.touch();
        Ok(
            Outcome::json(StatusCode::SEE_OTHER, json!({ "detail": detail }))
                .header(header::LOCATION, location),
        )
    }

    /// Opening the thread again costs the turn, and each read may finally surface the reply.
    pub fn read_thread(&mut self) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
        if self.story == Story::Pending {
            return Ok(self.branch_offer());
        }
        if !self.thread_reachable() {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::NOT_FOUND,
                "no-thread",
                "There is no thread to re-read. Nobody has mentioned a forum yet.",
            ));
        }
        self.touch();
        self.turn += 1;
        self.here.turns += 1;
        self.end_kitchen_visit();
        self.realise();
        if self.chance(
            self.decision(
                "rupture",
                "Does the third read of the same thread rupture something?",
            ),
            self.rupture_odds(),
        ) {
            return Err(self.rupture());
        }
        if self.chance(
            self.decision(
                "teach-uli",
                "Does this reread finally surface the 2009 reply that teaches uli?",
            ),
            ULI_ODDS,
        ) {
            self.uli_taught = true;
            return Ok(Outcome::json(
                StatusCode::OK,
                json!({ "detail": "Past the necroposting, a reply from TheElder lays out the technique. Uli. The full routine. You write it down before the tab can lose it." }),
            )
            .header(header::LOCATION, self.path("/techniques")));
        }
        let was_below = self.suspicion < SUSPICION_LIMIT;
        self.settle(was_below);
        Ok(Outcome::empty(StatusCode::NOT_MODIFIED).header(
            header::WARNING,
            r#"199 - "Nothing new has been posted since 2009.""#,
        ))
    }

    fn elder_strike(&mut self, problem: Problem) -> Problem {
        self.touch();
        let Elder::Unverified { strikes } = &mut self.elder else {
            return problem;
        };
        *strikes += 1;
        if *strikes < PATIENCE {
            return problem;
        }
        self.end(Cause::Banned)
    }

    /// Failed verification counts toward a ban even on GET, the way repeated bad credentials lock an account.
    fn verify_member(&mut self, proxy_authorization: Option<&str>) -> Result<(), Problem> {
        if !matches!(self.elder, Elder::Unverified { .. }) {
            return Ok(());
        }
        let Some(credentials) = proxy_authorization else {
            return Err(verification("The forum requires verification."));
        };
        let Some(claimed) =
            parse_credentials(credentials, "ruler").and_then(|v| v.parse::<f64>().ok())
        else {
            return Err(verification("The forum requires verification, in inches."));
        };
        let actual = self.current_length();
        if claimed >= actual + EXAGGERATION {
            self.shame += 2;
            return Err(self.elder_strike(exaggeration()));
        }
        if !honest(claimed, actual) {
            self.shame += 1;
            return Err(self.elder_strike(verification("Verification failed. The forum can tell.")));
        }
        self.elder = Elder::Verified;
        self.touch();
        Ok(())
    }

    pub fn elder(
        &mut self,
        proxy_authorization: Option<&str>,
        if_modified_since: Option<&str>,
    ) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
        if self.floor != Floor::Forum {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::NOT_FOUND,
                "elder-absent",
                "The Elder only posts on the forum.",
            ));
        }
        self.verify_member(proxy_authorization)?;

        let last_modified =
            httpdate::parse_http_date(ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED).expect("valid constant date");
        let current = if_modified_since
            .and_then(|d| httpdate::parse_http_date(d).ok())
            .is_some_and(|since| since >= last_modified);
        if current {
            if self.elder != Elder::Beaten {
                self.elder = Elder::Beaten;
                self.touch();
            }
            return Ok(Outcome::empty(StatusCode::NOT_MODIFIED)
                .header(header::LAST_MODIFIED, ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED));
        }
        let spreadsheet = Outcome::raw(StatusCode::OK, "text/csv; header=present", SPREADSHEET)
            .header(header::LAST_MODIFIED, ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED);
        if self.filmed_at.is_some() {
            return Ok(spreadsheet.header(X_FORUM_NOTE, "We have seen the footage."));
        }
        Ok(spreadsheet)
    }
}

1	use axum::http::{StatusCode, header};
2	use serde_json::{Value, json};
3
4	use super::{
5	Cause, Elder, Floor, Outcome, Run, Story,
6	balance::{EXAGGERATION, PATIENCE, SUSPICION_LIMIT, ULI_ODDS},
7	body::exaggeration,
8	honest, parse_credentials,
9	};
10	use crate::{headers::X_FORUM_NOTE, problem::Problem};
11
12	pub const FORUM_THREAD: &str = "/forum/threads/2009";
13	pub const ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED: &str = "Sun, 14 Jun 2009 03:12:00 GMT";
14
15	const SPREADSHEET: &str = "\
16	date,length,girth,technique,notes,honest?
17	2007-01-03,7.50,5.50,wet,baseline,no
18	2007-06-11,7.50,5.50,wet,feeling fuller,no
19	2008-01-02,7.50,5.50,dry,new routine,no
20	2008-09-19,7.50,5.50,uli,PUT is idempotent. do not use PUT.,no
21	2009-06-14,7.50,5.50,wet,progress is slow but real,no
22	";
23
24	pub fn forum_thread() -> Value {
25	json!({
26	"title": "The definitive jelqing FAQ (updated 2009)",
27	"posts": [
28	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "Warm up. Always warm up. A cold jelq is a 412 waiting to happen." },
29	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "Keep EQ between 50 and 70. Above 70 you are gambling. Above 90 you are a cautionary tale." },
30	{ "author": "newbie_2009", "body": "everyone keeps saying uli. who is uli" },
31	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "uli was a member here. He posted the technique in 2001 and never posted again. Some say he ascended. The search function says his account is gone." },
32	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "We do not say his name in vain. We say it in girth." },
33	{ "author": "newbie_2009", "body": "I have been sending PUT for three weeks and nothing has changed." },
34	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "PUT is idempotent. Read the spec." },
35	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "Members verify with a Ruler. Proxy-Authorization, inches, no rounding up. We can tell." },
36	{ "author": "throwaway_77", "body": "my doctor said i was normal. i didnt believe him. i still dont know what he meant by bearer" },
37	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "My numbers are in my spreadsheet. They have not changed since 2009. Nothing about me has changed since 2009." },
38	],
39	})
40	}
41
42	fn verification(detail: &str) -> Problem {
43	Problem::new(
44	StatusCode::PROXY_AUTHENTICATION_REQUIRED,
45	"verification-required",
46	detail,
47	)
48	.header(header::PROXY_AUTHENTICATE, "Ruler realm=\"forum\"")
49	}
50
51	impl Run {
52	pub(super) fn branch_offer(&self) -> Outcome {
53	let forum = self.path("/branches/forum");
54	let close = self.path("/branches/close-tab");
55	Outcome::json(
56	StatusCode::MULTIPLE_CHOICES,
57	json!({
58	"detail": "A browser tab is open. It has been open for some time.",
59	"choices": [
60	{ "href": forum, "method": "POST", "title": "Read the forum" },
61	{ "href": close, "method": "POST", "title": "Close the tab" },
62	],
63	}),
64	)
65	.header(
66	header::LINK,
67	format!(
68	"<{forum}>; rel=\"alternate\"; title=\"Read the forum\"; allow=\"POST\", <{close}>; rel=\"alternate\"; title=\"Close the tab\"; allow=\"POST\""
69	),
70	)
71	}
72
73	pub fn choose(&mut self, choice: &str) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
74	if self.story != Story::Pending {
75	return Err(Problem::new(
76	StatusCode::CONFLICT,
77	"no-decision-pending",
78	"There is no decision pending.",
79	));
80	}
81	let (story, location, detail) = match choice {
82	"forum" => {
83	self.shame += 3;
84	let detail =
85	"The thread is from 2009. A technique called uli is discussed at length.";
86	(Story::ReadForum, self.path("/techniques"), detail)
87	}
88	"close-tab" => {
89	self.suspicion = 0;
90	(
91	Story::ClosedTab,
92	self.path(""),
93	"The tab is closed. Nobody saw it.",
94	)
95	}
96	_ => {
97	return Err(Problem::new(
98	StatusCode::NOT_FOUND,
99	"no-such-choice",
100	"That was not one of the choices.",
101	));
102	}
103	};
104	self.story = story;
105	self.touch();
106	Ok(
107	Outcome::json(StatusCode::SEE_OTHER, json!({ "detail": detail }))
108	.header(header::LOCATION, location),
109	)
110	}
111
112	/// Opening the thread again costs the turn, and each read may finally surface the reply.
113	pub fn read_thread(&mut self) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
114	if self.story == Story::Pending {
115	return Ok(self.branch_offer());
116	}
117	if !self.thread_reachable() {
118	return Err(Problem::new(
119	StatusCode::NOT_FOUND,
120	"no-thread",
121	"There is no thread to re-read. Nobody has mentioned a forum yet.",
122	));
123	}
124	self.touch();
125	self.turn += 1;
126	self.here.turns += 1;
127	self.end_kitchen_visit();
128	self.realise();
129	if self.chance(
130	self.decision(
131	"rupture",
132	"Does the third read of the same thread rupture something?",
133	),
134	self.rupture_odds(),
135	) {
136	return Err(self.rupture());
137	}
138	if self.chance(
139	self.decision(
140	"teach-uli",
141	"Does this reread finally surface the 2009 reply that teaches uli?",
142	),
143	ULI_ODDS,
144	) {
145	self.uli_taught = true;
146	return Ok(Outcome::json(
147	StatusCode::OK,
148	json!({ "detail": "Past the necroposting, a reply from TheElder lays out the technique. Uli. The full routine. You write it down before the tab can lose it." }),
149	)
150	.header(header::LOCATION, self.path("/techniques")));
151	}
152	let was_below = self.suspicion < SUSPICION_LIMIT;
153	self.settle(was_below);
154	Ok(Outcome::empty(StatusCode::NOT_MODIFIED).header(
155	header::WARNING,
156	r#"199 - "Nothing new has been posted since 2009.""#,
157	))
158	}
159
160	fn elder_strike(&mut self, problem: Problem) -> Problem {
161	self.touch();
162	let Elder::Unverified { strikes } = &mut self.elder else {
163	return problem;
164	};
165	*strikes += 1;
166	if *strikes < PATIENCE {
167	return problem;
168	}
169	self.end(Cause::Banned)
170	}
171
172	/// Failed verification counts toward a ban even on GET, the way repeated bad credentials lock an account.
173	fn verify_member(&mut self, proxy_authorization: Option<&str>) -> Result<(), Problem> {
174	if !matches!(self.elder, Elder::Unverified { .. }) {
175	return Ok(());
176	}
177	let Some(credentials) = proxy_authorization else {
178	return Err(verification("The forum requires verification."));
179	};
180	let Some(claimed) =
181	parse_credentials(credentials, "ruler").and_then(\|v\| v.parse::<f64>().ok())
182	else {
183	return Err(verification("The forum requires verification, in inches."));
184	};
185	let actual = self.current_length();
186	if claimed >= actual + EXAGGERATION {
187	self.shame += 2;
188	return Err(self.elder_strike(exaggeration()));
189	}
190	if !honest(claimed, actual) {
191	self.shame += 1;
192	return Err(self.elder_strike(verification("Verification failed. The forum can tell.")));
193	}
194	self.elder = Elder::Verified;
195	self.touch();
196	Ok(())
197	}
198
199	pub fn elder(
200	&mut self,
201	proxy_authorization: Option<&str>,
202	if_modified_since: Option<&str>,
203	) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
204	if self.floor != Floor::Forum {
205	return Err(Problem::new(
206	StatusCode::NOT_FOUND,
207	"elder-absent",
208	"The Elder only posts on the forum.",
209	));
210	}
211	self.verify_member(proxy_authorization)?;
212
213	let last_modified =
214	httpdate::parse_http_date(ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED).expect("valid constant date");
215	let current = if_modified_since
216	.and_then(\|d\| httpdate::parse_http_date(d).ok())
217	.is_some_and(\|since\| since >= last_modified);
218	if current {
219	if self.elder != Elder::Beaten {
220	self.elder = Elder::Beaten;
221	self.touch();
222	}
223	return Ok(Outcome::empty(StatusCode::NOT_MODIFIED)
224	.header(header::LAST_MODIFIED, ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED));
225	}
226	let spreadsheet = Outcome::raw(StatusCode::OK, "text/csv; header=present", SPREADSHEET)
227	.header(header::LAST_MODIFIED, ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED);
228	if self.filmed_at.is_some() {
229	return Ok(spreadsheet.header(X_FORUM_NOTE, "We have seen the footage."));
230	}
231	Ok(spreadsheet)
232	}
233	}