jelq

public

an http based roguelike rpg about jelqing

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use axum::http::{StatusCode, header};
use serde_json::{Value, json};

use super::{
    Cause, Elder, Floor, Outcome, Run, Story,
    balance::{EXAGGERATION, MEDITATION_ODDS, PATIENCE},
    body::exaggeration,
    honest, parse_credentials,
};
use crate::{headers::X_FORUM_NOTE, problem::Problem};

pub const FORUM_THREAD: &str = "/forum/threads/2009";
pub const ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED: &str = "Sun, 14 Jun 2009 03:12:00 GMT";

const SPREADSHEET: &str = "\
date,length,girth,technique,notes,honest?
2007-01-03,7.50,5.50,wet,baseline,no
2007-06-11,7.50,5.50,wet,feeling fuller,no
2008-01-02,7.50,5.50,dry,new routine,no
2008-09-19,7.50,5.50,uli,PUT is idempotent. do not use PUT.,no
2009-06-14,7.50,5.50,wet,progress is slow but real,no
";

pub fn forum_thread() -> Value {
    json!({
        "title": "The definitive jelqing FAQ (updated 2009)",
        "posts": [
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "Warm up. Always warm up. A cold jelq is a 412 waiting to happen." },
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "Keep EQ between 50 and 70. Above 70 you are gambling. Above 90 you are a cautionary tale." },
            { "author": "newbie_2009", "body": "everyone keeps saying uli. who is uli" },
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "uli was a member here. He posted the technique in 2001 and never posted again. Some say he ascended. The search function says his account is gone." },
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "We do not say his name in vain. We say it in girth." },
            { "author": "newbie_2009", "body": "I have been sending PUT for three weeks and nothing has changed." },
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "PUT is idempotent. Read the spec." },
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "Members verify with a Ruler. Proxy-Authorization, inches, no rounding up. We can tell." },
            { "author": "throwaway_77", "body": "my doctor said i was normal. i didnt believe him. i still dont know what he meant by bearer" },
            { "author": "TheElder", "body": "My numbers are in my spreadsheet. They have not changed since 2009. Nothing about me has changed since 2009." },
        ],
    })
}

fn verification(detail: &str) -> Problem {
    Problem::new(
        StatusCode::PROXY_AUTHENTICATION_REQUIRED,
        "verification-required",
        detail,
    )
    .header(header::PROXY_AUTHENTICATE, "Ruler realm=\"forum\"")
}

impl Run {
    pub(super) fn branch_offer(&self) -> Outcome {
        let forum = self.path("/branches/forum");
        let close = self.path("/branches/close-tab");
        Outcome::json(
            StatusCode::MULTIPLE_CHOICES,
            json!({
                "detail": "A browser tab is open. It has been open for some time.",
                "choices": [
                    { "href": forum, "method": "POST", "title": "Read the forum" },
                    { "href": close, "method": "POST", "title": "Close the tab" },
                ],
            }),
        )
        .header(
            header::LINK,
            format!(
                "<{forum}>; rel=\"alternate\"; title=\"Read the forum\"; allow=\"POST\", <{close}>; rel=\"alternate\"; title=\"Close the tab\"; allow=\"POST\""
            ),
        )
    }

    pub fn choose(&mut self, choice: &str) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
        if self.story != Story::Pending {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::CONFLICT,
                "no-decision-pending",
                "There is no decision pending.",
            ));
        }
        let (story, location, detail) = match choice {
            "forum" => {
                self.shame += 3;
                let taught = self.chance(MEDITATION_ODDS);
                self.meditation_taught |= taught;
                let detail = if taught {
                    "The thread is from 2009. A technique called uli is discussed at length. Among the replies, a post teaches a way of breathing that lowers EQ."
                } else {
                    "The thread is from 2009. A technique called uli is discussed at length."
                };
                (Story::ReadForum, self.path("/techniques"), detail)
            }
            "close-tab" => {
                self.suspicion = 0;
                (
                    Story::ClosedTab,
                    self.path(""),
                    "The tab is closed. Nobody saw it.",
                )
            }
            _ => {
                return Err(Problem::new(
                    StatusCode::NOT_FOUND,
                    "no-such-choice",
                    "That was not one of the choices.",
                ));
            }
        };
        self.story = story;
        self.touch();
        Ok(
            Outcome::json(StatusCode::SEE_OTHER, json!({ "detail": detail }))
                .header(header::LOCATION, location),
        )
    }

    fn elder_strike(&mut self, problem: Problem) -> Problem {
        self.touch();
        let Elder::Unverified { strikes } = &mut self.elder else {
            return problem;
        };
        *strikes += 1;
        if *strikes < PATIENCE {
            return problem;
        }
        self.end(Cause::Banned)
    }

    /// Failed verification counts toward a ban even on GET, the way repeated bad credentials lock an account.
    fn verify_member(&mut self, proxy_authorization: Option<&str>) -> Result<(), Problem> {
        if !matches!(self.elder, Elder::Unverified { .. }) {
            return Ok(());
        }
        let Some(credentials) = proxy_authorization else {
            return Err(verification("The forum requires verification."));
        };
        let Some(claimed) =
            parse_credentials(credentials, "ruler").and_then(|v| v.parse::<f64>().ok())
        else {
            return Err(verification("The forum requires verification, in inches."));
        };
        let actual = self.current_length();
        if claimed >= actual + EXAGGERATION {
            self.shame += 2;
            return Err(self.elder_strike(exaggeration()));
        }
        if !honest(claimed, actual) {
            self.shame += 1;
            return Err(self.elder_strike(verification("Verification failed. The forum can tell.")));
        }
        self.elder = Elder::Verified;
        self.touch();
        Ok(())
    }

    pub fn elder(
        &mut self,
        proxy_authorization: Option<&str>,
        if_modified_since: Option<&str>,
    ) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
        if self.floor != Floor::Forum {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::NOT_FOUND,
                "elder-absent",
                "The Elder only posts on the forum.",
            ));
        }
        self.verify_member(proxy_authorization)?;

        let last_modified =
            httpdate::parse_http_date(ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED).expect("valid constant date");
        let current = if_modified_since
            .and_then(|d| httpdate::parse_http_date(d).ok())
            .is_some_and(|since| since >= last_modified);
        if current {
            if self.elder != Elder::Beaten {
                self.elder = Elder::Beaten;
                self.touch();
            }
            return Ok(Outcome::empty(StatusCode::NOT_MODIFIED)
                .header(header::LAST_MODIFIED, ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED));
        }
        let spreadsheet = Outcome::raw(StatusCode::OK, "text/csv; header=present", SPREADSHEET)
            .header(header::LAST_MODIFIED, ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED);
        if self.filmed_at.is_some() {
            return Ok(spreadsheet.header(X_FORUM_NOTE, "We have seen the footage."));
        }
        Ok(spreadsheet)
    }
}

1	use axum::http::{StatusCode, header};
2	use serde_json::{Value, json};
3
4	use super::{
5	Cause, Elder, Floor, Outcome, Run, Story,
6	balance::{EXAGGERATION, MEDITATION_ODDS, PATIENCE},
7	body::exaggeration,
8	honest, parse_credentials,
9	};
10	use crate::{headers::X_FORUM_NOTE, problem::Problem};
11
12	pub const FORUM_THREAD: &str = "/forum/threads/2009";
13	pub const ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED: &str = "Sun, 14 Jun 2009 03:12:00 GMT";
14
15	const SPREADSHEET: &str = "\
16	date,length,girth,technique,notes,honest?
17	2007-01-03,7.50,5.50,wet,baseline,no
18	2007-06-11,7.50,5.50,wet,feeling fuller,no
19	2008-01-02,7.50,5.50,dry,new routine,no
20	2008-09-19,7.50,5.50,uli,PUT is idempotent. do not use PUT.,no
21	2009-06-14,7.50,5.50,wet,progress is slow but real,no
22	";
23
24	pub fn forum_thread() -> Value {
25	json!({
26	"title": "The definitive jelqing FAQ (updated 2009)",
27	"posts": [
28	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "Warm up. Always warm up. A cold jelq is a 412 waiting to happen." },
29	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "Keep EQ between 50 and 70. Above 70 you are gambling. Above 90 you are a cautionary tale." },
30	{ "author": "newbie_2009", "body": "everyone keeps saying uli. who is uli" },
31	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "uli was a member here. He posted the technique in 2001 and never posted again. Some say he ascended. The search function says his account is gone." },
32	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "We do not say his name in vain. We say it in girth." },
33	{ "author": "newbie_2009", "body": "I have been sending PUT for three weeks and nothing has changed." },
34	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "PUT is idempotent. Read the spec." },
35	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "Members verify with a Ruler. Proxy-Authorization, inches, no rounding up. We can tell." },
36	{ "author": "throwaway_77", "body": "my doctor said i was normal. i didnt believe him. i still dont know what he meant by bearer" },
37	{ "author": "TheElder", "body": "My numbers are in my spreadsheet. They have not changed since 2009. Nothing about me has changed since 2009." },
38	],
39	})
40	}
41
42	fn verification(detail: &str) -> Problem {
43	Problem::new(
44	StatusCode::PROXY_AUTHENTICATION_REQUIRED,
45	"verification-required",
46	detail,
47	)
48	.header(header::PROXY_AUTHENTICATE, "Ruler realm=\"forum\"")
49	}
50
51	impl Run {
52	pub(super) fn branch_offer(&self) -> Outcome {
53	let forum = self.path("/branches/forum");
54	let close = self.path("/branches/close-tab");
55	Outcome::json(
56	StatusCode::MULTIPLE_CHOICES,
57	json!({
58	"detail": "A browser tab is open. It has been open for some time.",
59	"choices": [
60	{ "href": forum, "method": "POST", "title": "Read the forum" },
61	{ "href": close, "method": "POST", "title": "Close the tab" },
62	],
63	}),
64	)
65	.header(
66	header::LINK,
67	format!(
68	"<{forum}>; rel=\"alternate\"; title=\"Read the forum\"; allow=\"POST\", <{close}>; rel=\"alternate\"; title=\"Close the tab\"; allow=\"POST\""
69	),
70	)
71	}
72
73	pub fn choose(&mut self, choice: &str) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
74	if self.story != Story::Pending {
75	return Err(Problem::new(
76	StatusCode::CONFLICT,
77	"no-decision-pending",
78	"There is no decision pending.",
79	));
80	}
81	let (story, location, detail) = match choice {
82	"forum" => {
83	self.shame += 3;
84	let taught = self.chance(MEDITATION_ODDS);
85	self.meditation_taught \|= taught;
86	let detail = if taught {
87	"The thread is from 2009. A technique called uli is discussed at length. Among the replies, a post teaches a way of breathing that lowers EQ."
88	} else {
89	"The thread is from 2009. A technique called uli is discussed at length."
90	};
91	(Story::ReadForum, self.path("/techniques"), detail)
92	}
93	"close-tab" => {
94	self.suspicion = 0;
95	(
96	Story::ClosedTab,
97	self.path(""),
98	"The tab is closed. Nobody saw it.",
99	)
100	}
101	_ => {
102	return Err(Problem::new(
103	StatusCode::NOT_FOUND,
104	"no-such-choice",
105	"That was not one of the choices.",
106	));
107	}
108	};
109	self.story = story;
110	self.touch();
111	Ok(
112	Outcome::json(StatusCode::SEE_OTHER, json!({ "detail": detail }))
113	.header(header::LOCATION, location),
114	)
115	}
116
117	fn elder_strike(&mut self, problem: Problem) -> Problem {
118	self.touch();
119	let Elder::Unverified { strikes } = &mut self.elder else {
120	return problem;
121	};
122	*strikes += 1;
123	if *strikes < PATIENCE {
124	return problem;
125	}
126	self.end(Cause::Banned)
127	}
128
129	/// Failed verification counts toward a ban even on GET, the way repeated bad credentials lock an account.
130	fn verify_member(&mut self, proxy_authorization: Option<&str>) -> Result<(), Problem> {
131	if !matches!(self.elder, Elder::Unverified { .. }) {
132	return Ok(());
133	}
134	let Some(credentials) = proxy_authorization else {
135	return Err(verification("The forum requires verification."));
136	};
137	let Some(claimed) =
138	parse_credentials(credentials, "ruler").and_then(\|v\| v.parse::<f64>().ok())
139	else {
140	return Err(verification("The forum requires verification, in inches."));
141	};
142	let actual = self.current_length();
143	if claimed >= actual + EXAGGERATION {
144	self.shame += 2;
145	return Err(self.elder_strike(exaggeration()));
146	}
147	if !honest(claimed, actual) {
148	self.shame += 1;
149	return Err(self.elder_strike(verification("Verification failed. The forum can tell.")));
150	}
151	self.elder = Elder::Verified;
152	self.touch();
153	Ok(())
154	}
155
156	pub fn elder(
157	&mut self,
158	proxy_authorization: Option<&str>,
159	if_modified_since: Option<&str>,
160	) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
161	if self.floor != Floor::Forum {
162	return Err(Problem::new(
163	StatusCode::NOT_FOUND,
164	"elder-absent",
165	"The Elder only posts on the forum.",
166	));
167	}
168	self.verify_member(proxy_authorization)?;
169
170	let last_modified =
171	httpdate::parse_http_date(ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED).expect("valid constant date");
172	let current = if_modified_since
173	.and_then(\|d\| httpdate::parse_http_date(d).ok())
174	.is_some_and(\|since\| since >= last_modified);
175	if current {
176	if self.elder != Elder::Beaten {
177	self.elder = Elder::Beaten;
178	self.touch();
179	}
180	return Ok(Outcome::empty(StatusCode::NOT_MODIFIED)
181	.header(header::LAST_MODIFIED, ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED));
182	}
183	let spreadsheet = Outcome::raw(StatusCode::OK, "text/csv; header=present", SPREADSHEET)
184	.header(header::LAST_MODIFIED, ELDER_LAST_MODIFIED);
185	if self.filmed_at.is_some() {
186	return Ok(spreadsheet.header(X_FORUM_NOTE, "We have seen the footage."));
187	}
188	Ok(spreadsheet)
189	}
190	}