jelq

public
an http based roguelike rpg about jelqing
Star0
Watch0
41 commits 1 branch 0 tags 0 releases1.3 MiB
use std::{fmt::Write as _, ops::ControlFlow};

use axum::http::{StatusCode, header};
use serde_json::json;

use super::{
    Floor, Grip, LUBRICANTS, Lube, Outcome, Payload, Run, Story, Technique,
    balance::{
        ARRIVAL_BONUS, BAND_BONUS, BRANCH_TURN, CAT_TAKES_TOWEL, CHANGING_ROOM_CHILL, DANGER_EQ,
        EQ_BAND, EQ_WOBBLE, EXTENDER_GAIN, FORESKIN_GLIDE, FRICTION_BURN, FRICTION_BURN_AT,
        FRICTION_DRY, FRICTION_GRIP, FRICTION_HOLD, FRICTION_MAX, FRICTION_MEDITATE, FRICTION_SPIT,
        GIRTH_THICK, GREED_HOT, GREED_WARM, HOLD_EQ, HOT_EQ, MEDITATION_EQ, OBSERVED, PRIAPISM_EQ,
        PRIAPISM_TURNS, PULLED_MUSCLE, PULLED_MUSCLE_INTENSITY, REFLECTION, RING_PRIAPISM,
        RING_RUPTURE_LINE, RUPTURE_HOLD, RUPTURE_LINE, STORAGE_GIRTH, SUSPICION_LIMIT,
    },
    not_extended, round3,
    state::{MumVisit, Observer, Pending},
    techniques::{LubeRule, Profile, Training, Utility},
};
use crate::{headers::SERVER_TIMING, problem::Problem};

impl Run {
    pub fn jelq(
        &mut self,
        techniques: &[Technique],
        intensity: i32,
        lube: Option<Lube>,
    ) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
        self.check_exhausted()?;
        if self.story == Story::Pending {
            return Ok(self.branch_offer());
        }
        if self.floor == Floor::Forum {
            return Ok(Outcome::json(
                StatusCode::SEE_OTHER,
                json!({ "detail": "Refer to the forum." }),
            )
            .header(header::LOCATION, super::FORUM_THREAD));
        }
        if self.items.cage {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::LOCKED,
                "caged",
                "The cage is locked. The key is not in the box.",
            ));
        }
        match *techniques {
            [Technique::Utility(utility)] => self.utility(utility, lube),
            [Technique::Training(training)] => self.single(training, intensity, lube),
            [Technique::Training(a), Technique::Training(b)] => self.combo(a, b, intensity, lube),
            [_, _] => Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::BAD_REQUEST,
                "combo-invalid",
                "Only training techniques can be combined.",
            )),
            _ => Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::BAD_REQUEST,
                "too-many-techniques",
                "Two techniques at most. The server has limits even if you do not.",
            )),
        }
    }

    fn utility(&mut self, utility: Utility, lube: Option<Lube>) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
        match utility {
            Utility::Warmup => return self.warm_up(),
            Utility::Ice => return self.ice(),
            Utility::Supplement => return self.supplement(),
            Utility::Meditate => return self.meditate(),
            Utility::Energy => return self.energy(),
            Utility::Edge | Utility::Pump => {}
        }
        self.ready(Technique::Utility(utility), lube)?;
        self.check_storage()?;
        self.floor_enemy()?;
        match utility {
            Utility::Edge => self.edge(),
            _ => self.pump(),
        }
    }

    fn single(
        &mut self,
        training: Training,
        intensity: i32,
        lube: Option<Lube>,
    ) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
        self.ready(Technique::Training(training), lube)?;
        self.check_storage()?;
        self.lube_available(lube)?;
        self.floor_enemy()?;
        self.take_lube(lube)?;
        self.chafe(lube, intensity);
        self.commit(intensity, lube, 1);
        if let ControlFlow::Break(interrupted) = self.mishaps(training, intensity)? {
            return Ok(interrupted);
        }
        if let ControlFlow::Break(interrupted) = self.hazards(intensity)? {
            return Ok(interrupted);
        }
        let outcome = self.roll(training, intensity, lube)?;
        Ok(self.gossip(outcome))
    }

    fn combo(
        &mut self,
        a: Training,
        b: Training,
        intensity: i32,
        lube: Option<Lube>,
    ) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
        if a == b {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::BAD_REQUEST,
                "combo-invalid",
                "A technique cannot be combined with itself. The server has checked.",
            ));
        }
        self.ready(Technique::Training(a), lube)?;
        self.ready(Technique::Training(b), lube)?;
        self.check_storage()?;
        self.lube_available(lube)?;
        self.floor_enemy()?;
        self.take_lube(lube)?;
        self.chafe(lube, intensity);
        self.commit(intensity, lube, 2);
        for training in [a, b] {
            if let ControlFlow::Break(interrupted) = self.mishaps(training, intensity)? {
                return Ok(interrupted);
            }
        }
        if let ControlFlow::Break(interrupted) = self.hazards(intensity)? {
            return Ok(interrupted);
        }

        let mut statuses = Vec::new();
        for training in [a, b] {
            let result = self.roll(training, intensity, lube);
            if self.ended.is_some() {
                return result;
            }
            let status = match result {
                Ok(outcome) => self.gossip(outcome).status,
                Err(problem) => problem.status(),
            };
            statuses.push((training, status));
        }

        let mut xml = String::from(
            "<?xml version=\"1.0\" encoding=\"utf-8\"?>\n<D:multistatus xmlns:D=\"DAV:\">\n",
        );
        for (training, status) in statuses {
            let _ = write!(
                xml,
                "  <D:response>\n    <D:href>{}?technique={}</D:href>\n    <D:status>HTTP/1.1 {} {}</D:status>\n  </D:response>\n",
                self.path(""),
                training.name(),
                status.as_u16(),
                crate::problem::reason(status),
            );
        }
        xml.push_str(
            "  <D:responsedescription>Each technique has been reported separately.</D:responsedescription>\n</D:multistatus>\n",
        );
        Ok(Outcome::raw(
            StatusCode::MULTI_STATUS,
            "application/xml; charset=utf-8",
            xml,
        ))
    }

    fn ready(&self, technique: Technique, lube: Option<Lube>) -> Result<(), Problem> {
        self.access(technique)?;
        match technique {
            Technique::Training(training) => Self::check_lube(training, lube),
            Technique::Utility(_) => Ok(()),
        }
    }

    /// Whether the run could attempt the technique now, ignoring the lubricant.
    fn access(&self, technique: Technique) -> Result<(), Problem> {
        if technique == Technique::Training(Training::Uli) && !self.uli_taught {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::FORBIDDEN,
                "technique-locked",
                "uli is discussed on the forum, in a thread from 2009, by a man who never posted again. You have not found the reply.",
            ));
        }
        if !self.warmed_up {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::PRECONDITION_FAILED,
                "cold-start",
                "Warm-up was skipped. The server has noted this.",
            )
            .with("technique", Utility::Warmup.name()));
        }
        if matches!(technique, Technique::Training(_)) {
            self.grip_closes(self.grip)?;
        }
        match technique {
            Technique::Utility(Utility::Pump) if !self.items.pump_pro => Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::FAILED_DEPENDENCY,
                "no-pump",
                "The pump technique depends on a pump.",
            )),
            Technique::Utility(_) => Ok(()),
            Technique::Training(training) => match training.profile().foreskin {
                Some((min, max)) => self.check_foreskin(min, max),
                None => Ok(()),
            },
        }
    }

    fn check_lube(training: Training, lube: Option<Lube>) -> Result<(), Problem> {
        match (training.profile().lube, lube) {
            (LubeRule::Required, None) => Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::UNSUPPORTED_MEDIA_TYPE,
                "lubricant-required",
                format!(
                    "The {} technique requires a lubricant. None was declared.",
                    training.name()
                ),
            )
            .with("lubricants", json!(LUBRICANTS))),
            (LubeRule::Forbidden, Some(_)) => Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::UNSUPPORTED_MEDIA_TYPE,
                "lubricant-declared",
                format!(
                    "The {} technique was requested. A lubricant was declared.",
                    training.name()
                ),
            )),
            _ => Ok(()),
        }
    }

    /// One unit of whatever was declared. Spit is free and the tap is always on.
    fn lube_available(&self, lube: Option<Lube>) -> Result<(), Problem> {
        let (held, name) = match lube {
            None | Some(Lube::Spit) => return Ok(()),
            Some(Lube::BabyOil) => (&self.items.baby_oil, "baby-oil"),
            Some(Lube::CoconutOil) => (&self.items.coconut_oil, "coconut-oil"),
            Some(Lube::Lotion) => (&self.items.lotion, "lotion"),
            Some(Lube::Vaseline) => (&self.items.vaseline, "vaseline"),
        };
        if *held == 0 {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::UNSUPPORTED_MEDIA_TYPE,
                "lubricant-exhausted",
                format!("{name} was declared, but the bottle is empty."),
            ));
        }
        Ok(())
    }

    fn take_lube(&mut self, lube: Option<Lube>) -> Result<(), Problem> {
        self.lube_available(lube)?;
        let held = match lube {
            None | Some(Lube::Spit) => return Ok(()),
            Some(Lube::BabyOil) => &mut self.items.baby_oil,
            Some(Lube::CoconutOil) => &mut self.items.coconut_oil,
            Some(Lube::Lotion) => &mut self.items.lotion,
            Some(Lube::Vaseline) => &mut self.items.vaseline,
        };
        *held -= 1;
        Ok(())
    }

    /// The techniques a JELQ could use right now without being refused before the roll.
    pub fn techniques_now(&self) -> Vec<Technique> {
        let blocked = !self.floor.timed() || self.items.cage || self.exhausted;
        if blocked {
            return Vec::new();
        }
        Technique::ALL
            .into_iter()
            .filter(|&technique| match technique {
                Technique::Utility(Utility::Warmup) => true,
                Technique::Utility(Utility::Ice) => self.items.ice_packs > 0,
                Technique::Utility(Utility::Supplement) => self.items.supplements > 0,
                Technique::Utility(Utility::Meditate) => !self.here.meditated,
                Technique::Utility(Utility::Energy) => self.items.energy_drinks > 0,
                _ => self.access(technique).is_ok() && self.check_storage().is_ok(),
            })
            .collect()
    }

    fn check_foreskin(&self, min: f64, max: f64) -> Result<(), Problem> {
        let Some(f) = self.foreskin else {
            if min <= 0.0 {
                return Ok(());
            }
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::GONE,
                "foreskin-gone",
                "This technique requires a foreskin. The foreskin is gone.",
            )
            .header(header::CONTENT_LOCATION, self.path("/foreskin")));
        };
        if f < min {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::LENGTH_REQUIRED,
                "foreskin-insufficient",
                format!(
                    "The selected technique requires {min:.1} units of foreskin. {f:.2} units are available. The server has noted the shortfall."
                ),
            )
            .with("required", min));
        }
        if f > max {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::PAYLOAD_TOO_LARGE,
                "foreskin-excessive",
                format!(
                    "The selected technique tolerates at most {max:.1} units of foreskin. {f:.2} units are present."
                ),
            )
            .with("maximum", max));
        }
        Ok(())
    }

    fn check_storage(&self) -> Result<(), Problem> {
        if self.items.extender && self.girth > STORAGE_GIRTH {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::INSUFFICIENT_STORAGE,
                "jeans-full",
                "The jeans are full. The extender is occupying the remaining storage.",
            )
            .with("extender", self.path("/inventory/extender")));
        }
        Ok(())
    }

    pub(super) fn chafe(&mut self, lube: Option<Lube>, intensity: i32) {
        let (base, slip) = match lube {
            None => (FRICTION_DRY, 0),
            Some(Lube::Spit) => (FRICTION_SPIT, 0),
            Some(Lube::Lotion) => (0, 0),
            Some(Lube::BabyOil | Lube::CoconutOil) => (0, 1),
            Some(Lube::Vaseline) => (0, 2),
        };
        let vigour = match intensity {
            ..=5 => 0,
            6..=8 => 1,
            _ => 2,
        };
        let unlubed = matches!(lube, None | Some(Lube::Spit));
        let thick = i32::from(unlubed && self.girth > GIRTH_THICK);
        let glide = i32::from(unlubed && self.foreskin.is_some_and(|f| f >= FORESKIN_GLIDE));
        let mut friction = (base + vigour + thick - slip - glide).max(0);
        if friction > 0 && self.jelq_grip.is_some_and(|grip| grip != self.grip) {
            friction -= FRICTION_GRIP;
        }
        self.jelq_grip = Some(self.grip);
        self.friction = (self.friction + friction).min(FRICTION_MAX);
        if self.friction >= FRICTION_BURN_AT
            && !self.conditions.friction_burn
            && self.chance(
                self.decision(
                    "friction-burn",
                    "With the skin this raw, has it finally burned?",
                ),
                FRICTION_BURN,
            )
        {
            self.conditions.friction_burn = true;
        }
    }

    pub(super) fn commit(&mut self, intensity: i32, lube: Option<Lube>, cost: i32) {
        self.touch();
        self.turn += 1;
        self.here.turns += 1;
        self.step_away();
        self.realise();
        if self.items.extender {
            self.length += EXTENDER_GAIN;
        }
        self.stamina -= cost + i32::from(lube == Some(Lube::Lotion));
        if self.stamina <= 0 {
            self.exhaust();
        }
        let chill = if self.floor == Floor::ChangingRoom {
            CHANGING_ROOM_CHILL
        } else {
            0
        };
        let wobble = self.oracle.span_int(
            self.decision(
                "wobble",
                "How does the count drift on this stroke, up or down?",
            ),
            -EQ_WOBBLE,
            EQ_WOBBLE,
        );
        self.eq = (self.eq + intensity * 2 - 6 - chill + wobble).clamp(0, 100);

        let mut suspicion = intensity / 5 + i32::from(lube == Some(Lube::Vaseline));
        let doubled = match self.floor {
            Floor::Nans => true,
            Floor::ChangingRoom => !self.holds_own_in_the_locker_room(),
            _ => false,
        };
        if doubled {
            suspicion *= 2;
        }
        if self.floor == Floor::Nans && lube == Some(Lube::CoconutOil) {
            suspicion += 2;
        }
        let was_below = self.suspicion < SUSPICION_LIMIT;
        self.suspicion =
            u8::try_from((i32::from(self.suspicion) + suspicion).min(i32::from(SUSPICION_LIMIT)))
                .unwrap_or(SUSPICION_LIMIT);

        if intensity >= PULLED_MUSCLE_INTENSITY
            && !self.conditions.pulled_muscle
            && self.oracle.chance_not(
                self.decision("pulled-muscle", "Do the muscles hold?"),
                PULLED_MUSCLE,
            )
        {
            self.conditions.pulled_muscle = true;
            self.stamina = self.stamina.min(self.max_stamina());
        }
        self.settle(was_below);
    }

    /// The part of a turn the house takes part in, whatever the action was.
    pub(super) fn settle(&mut self, was_below: bool) {
        self.maybe_summon_mum(was_below);
        if let Some(observer) = self.floor.observer()
            && self.chance(
                self.decision("observed", "Has someone quietly noticed what is going on?"),
                OBSERVED,
            )
        {
            self.observed = Some(observer);
            self.shame += 1;
            if observer == Observer::Cat
                && self.chance(
                    self.decision("cat-takes-towel", "Has the cat taken the towel?"),
                    CAT_TAKES_TOWEL,
                )
            {
                self.here.towel_stolen = true;
            }
        }
        if self.items.ring
            && self.eq > HOT_EQ
            && self.chance(
                self.decision(
                    "ring-priapism",
                    "With the ring still on and everything this warm, will it not go down?",
                ),
                RING_PRIAPISM,
            )
        {
            self.conditions.priapism_turns = PRIAPISM_TURNS;
        }
        if self.conditions.priapism_turns > 0 {
            self.conditions.priapism_turns -= 1;
            self.eq = self.eq.max(PRIAPISM_EQ);
        }
        if self.turn == BRANCH_TURN && self.story == Story::Unopened {
            self.story = Story::Pending;
            self.notices
                .push("Somewhere, a forum thread from 2009 still has replies.");
        }
    }

    /// HOLD. A pause between strokes, offered when the band has been left or the stamina is gone.
    pub fn can_hold(&self) -> bool {
        self.eq > DANGER_EQ || self.stamina <= 2
    }

    pub fn hold(&mut self) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
        if self.story == Story::Pending {
            return Ok(self.branch_offer());
        }
        if self.items.cage {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::LOCKED,
                "caged",
                "The cage is locked. The key is not in the box.",
            ));
        }
        self.touch();
        self.turn += 1;
        self.here.turns += 1;
        self.step_away();
        self.realise();
        if self.oracle.chance_not(
            self.decision("rupture", "The pause is uneventful"),
            RUPTURE_HOLD,
        ) {
            return Err(self.rupture());
        }
        let was_below = self.suspicion < SUSPICION_LIMIT;
        if self.exhausted {
            self.recover();
            self.shed(FRICTION_HOLD);
            self.settle(was_below);
            return Ok(Outcome::json(
                StatusCode::OK,
                json!({ "detail": "The count went well past ten. Stamina is back. Everything else has gone quiet, and you are cold again." }),
            ));
        }
        if self.chance(
            self.decision(
                "reflection",
                "In the quiet afterwards, have you caught your own eye in the mirror?",
            ),
            REFLECTION,
        ) {
            self.eq = 0;
            self.shame += 1;
            self.notices
                .push("the count reached ten, and then the reflection started");
        } else {
            self.eq = (self.eq - HOLD_EQ).clamp(0, 100);
        }
        self.stamina = (self.stamina + 1).min(self.max_stamina());
        self.shed(FRICTION_HOLD);
        self.settle(was_below);
        Ok(Outcome::empty(StatusCode::NO_CONTENT))
    }

    /// The breathing technique from the forum's replies. It spends no stamina and the turn is
    /// not the floor's, but each floor allows it once.
    fn meditate(&mut self) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
        if self.here.meditated {
            return Err(Problem::new(
                StatusCode::CONFLICT,
                "already-meditated",
                "This floor has had its meditation.",
            ));
        }
        self.here.meditated = true;
        self.step_away();
        self.reset_eq(self.eq - MEDITATION_EQ);
        self.shed(FRICTION_MEDITATE);
        self.touch();
        Ok(Outcome::json(
            StatusCode::OK,
            json!({
                "detail": "In through the nose, out through the mouth. EQ falls by ten.",
            }),
        ))
    }

    pub(super) fn maybe_summon_mum(&mut self, was_below: bool) {
        if !self.floor.has_mum() || self.mum.is_some() {
            return;
        }
        let summoned = was_below && self.suspicion == SUSPICION_LIMIT;
        let mut visits = u32::from(self.suspicion) + 1;
        if self.here.brother_told {
            visits *= 2;
        }
        if summoned
            || self.oracle.ratio(
                self.decision(
                    "mum-summon",
                    "With this much noise in the house, is Mum on her way up?",
                ),
                visits,
                super::balance::MUM_VISIT,
            )
        {
            let errand = self.errand(summoned);
            let nonce = self.fresh_nonce();
            self.mum = Some(MumVisit {
                errand,
                nonce,
                strikes: 0,
                knocked: false,
            });
        }
    }

    fn roll(
        &mut self,
        training: Training,
        intensity: i32,
        lube: Option<Lube>,
    ) -> Result<Outcome, Problem> {
        let profile = training.profile();
        let natural: i32 = self.oracle.span_int(
            self.decision(
                "natural",
                "What does the twenty-sided die show for this technique?",
            ),
            1,
            20,
        );
        let band = if EQ_BAND.contains(&self.eq) {
            BAND_BONUS
        } else {
            0
        };
        let grip = match (self.grip, training) {
            (Grip::Underhand, Training::Stretch) => 2,
            (Grip::Underhand, Training::Wet) => -1,
            _ => 0,
        };
        let arrival = if self.here.warm_arrival {
            self.here.warm_arrival = false;
            ARRIVAL_BONUS
        } else {
            0
        };
        let modifier = lube.map_or(0, Lube::modifier) + band + grip + arrival;
        let dc = profile.dc + intensity / 3;
        let total = natural + modifier;
        let timing = format!("roll;desc=\"d20{modifier:+} vs {dc}\";dur={natural}");
        let timed = |p: Problem| p.header(SERVER_TIMING, &timing);

        let (length, girth) = self.scaled_gains(&profile, intensity);
        let burn = self.burn();
        let rupture_line = if self.items.ring {
            RING_RUPTURE_LINE
        } else {
            RUPTURE_LINE
        };

        if natural == 1 {
            return Err(timed(self.critical_failure(training, &profile)));
        }
        if natural == 2 && self.eq > DANGER_EQ - burn {
            return Err(timed(self.rupture()));
        }
        if self.eq > rupture_line - burn && total < dc {
            return Err(timed(self.rupture()));
        }
        if natural == 20 {
            self.gain(length * 2.0, girth * 2.0, profile.foreskin_growth);
            return Ok(Outcome::json(
                StatusCode::PERMANENT_REDIRECT,
                json!({
                    "detail": "Your length has moved permanently.",
                    "length": round3(length * 2.0),
                    "girth": round3(girth * 2.0),
                }),
            )
            .header(header::LOCATION, self.path("/length"))
            .header(SERVER_TIMING, timing));
        }
        if total < dc - 3 {
            return Err(timed(not_extended()));
        }
        if total < dc {
            return Ok(Outcome::empty(StatusCode::NO_CONTENT).header(SERVER_TIMING, timing));
        }

        let outcome = if self.eq < *EQ_BAND.start() {
            self.gain(length / 2.0, girth / 2.0, profile.foreskin_growth);
            Outcome::json(
                StatusCode::PARTIAL_CONTENT,
                json!({
                    "detail": "Partial gains were applied. EQ was below the band.",
                    "length": round3(length / 2.0),
                    "girth": round3(girth / 2.0),
                }),
            )
        } else if total >= dc + 5 {
            self.gain(length, girth, profile.foreskin_growth);
            Outcome::json(
                StatusCode::OK,
                json!({
                    "detail": "Gains were applied.",
                    "length": round3(length),
                    "girth": round3(girth),
                }),
            )
        } else {
            let eta = self.oracle.span_int(
                self.decision("eta", "In how many turns will the queued gains arrive?"),
                1,
                4,
            ) as u32;
            self.pending.push(Pending {
                due: self.turn + eta,
                length,
                girth,
            });
            self.gain(0.0, 0.0, profile.foreskin_growth);
            Outcome::json(
                StatusCode::ACCEPTED,
                json!({
                    "detail": "Gains have been queued. They may arrive.",
                    "eta_turns": eta,
                }),
            )
        };
        Ok(outcome.header(SERVER_TIMING, timing))
    }

    fn scaled_gains(&self, profile: &Profile, intensity: i32) -> (f64, f64) {
        let scale = f64::from(intensity);
        let (mut length, mut girth) = (profile.length * scale, profile.girth * scale);
        let greed = if self.eq > HOT_EQ {
            GREED_HOT
        } else if self.eq > DANGER_EQ {
            GREED_WARM
        } else {
            1.0
        };
        length *= greed;
        girth *= greed;
        if self.here.teapot {
            length *= 0.5;
            girth *= 1.5;
        }
        if self.items.ring {
            girth *= 2.0;
        }
        if self.conditions.friction_burn {
            length *= 0.5;
            girth *= 0.5;
        }
        (length, girth)
    }

    fn critical_failure(&mut self, training: Training, profile: &Profile) -> Problem {
        let uses_foreskin = profile.foreskin.is_some_and(|(min, _)| min > 0.0);
        if uses_foreskin && self.foreskin.is_some() {
            self.foreskin = None;
            self.shame += 25;
            return Problem::new(
                StatusCode::GONE,
                "foreskin-lost",
                "The technique has removed the foreskin. It will not be returning.",
            )
            .header(header::CONTENT_LOCATION, self.path("/foreskin"));
        }
        if self.eq > DANGER_EQ - self.burn() {
            return self.rupture();
        }
        if training == Training::Stretch && !self.here.teapot {
            self.here.teapot = true;
            self.items.teapot_spout = true;
            self.shame += 5;
            return Problem::new(
                StatusCode::IM_A_TEAPOT,
                "teapot",
                "The subject is now short and stout. Length gains are halved for the rest of the floor.",
            );
        }
        if training == Training::Uli && !self.conditions.peyronie {
            self.conditions.peyronie = true;
            self.shame += 5;
            return Problem::new(
                StatusCode::MISDIRECTED_REQUEST,
                "curvature",
                "A curvature has developed. Techniques will land slightly to the left until a professional is consulted.",
            );
        }
        not_extended()
    }

    fn gossip(&mut self, mut outcome: Outcome) -> Outcome {
        let reportable = matches!(outcome.status.as_u16(), 200 | 202 | 206);
        if !self.here.brother_told || !reportable {
            return outcome;
        }
        self.here.brother_told = false;
        outcome.status = StatusCode::ALREADY_REPORTED;
        if let Payload::Json(body) = &mut outcome.payload {
            body["detail"] = json!("Your brother has already told Mum.");
        }
        outcome
    }
}